And so the brief Spring-like interlude comes to an end with a day of low cloud and drizzle. The weather really affects me, and while I try to remember that the sun is still shining above the cloud, somehow I still cannot throw off the feeling of sadness and heaviness that this sort of day brings to my mood.

For the last few days I had the opportunity to work in the garden and had the real pleasure of plenty of sun, and the bird-song that goes with it. I was busy and productive, but also took the time to just sit and enjoy the garden and the feeling of joy and ‘aliveness’ that I was experiencing.

Today is the flip-side to that, the other side of the coin that makes those sorts of days so very precious because they do not occur all the time. Today I am back at work and I also have to take my leave of the garden and work away for the rest of the week. I feel a sadness about leaving the garden that I feel when saying goodbye to someone I love- or perhaps it is more the sadness of knowing that for every day of joy and pleasure in the garden there are the days when I cannot be there and have to focus elsewhere. I actually know that I will enjoy London when I get there and will spend time  with people that I like (and love) doing things that are stimulating, interesting and important. But right now I am feeling the ache of having to let go of ‘home’ and go out into the world again.

I also do know that in life I need the balance between the peace and quiet of the garden and solitary activity, and the excitement and stimulation of getting out in the world, meeting people, sharing ideas and being socially engaged. Losing either would be a significant loss and I do know that too long away from ‘society’ has a bad effect on me making me restless and frustrated. It’s just that sometimes the balance feels too much tipped one way or the other and I certainly feel the need of more gardening time than I have been able to manage recently with all the working away.

So life goes in cycles, just as the garden does and the changes in weather are all necessary to make life, and the garden into a satisfying whole. We need the sun and we also need the rain, and life must be lived in a balance cycling between the different times, activates and states. I know this in my mind, but this morning I don’t feel it in my heart and I am longing for more sunny days.

Today I will walk to the end of the garden, visit the trees that I planted and soak in the atmosphere and be grateful for what I have and remember that it will all still be here ( with some subtle changes as the garden and wildlife do their thing) when I return at the weekend and I will love it all the more then for the absence.